Sunday, January 24, 2010

Kildren








The world had been left ruins after the final war. Many countries had simply fallen apart, leaving their people to fend for themselves. Although Eurasia was a different case. In the desperate times it had come up with the idea for and orderly and just system of governing what was left of the people. They thought combine the leaders of the surviving nations to create one advanced solid government.
It was named the “Zephurian Empire” and when it was first constructed its ideals had been good. But throughout the many years as the empire gained in land and power it began to loose it’s original morale and purpose becoming an anarchy. The people were forced to pay harsh military taxes. But other than this they were forgotten. This had left the people to fall into a state of poverty, their numbers ever dwindling with the constant bombarding of plagues and getting caught between various battles.
As this happened various rebel groups began to form within the different sectors (previous nations) across the Zephurian Empire. Their main goal was to bring the people of these sectors to join with them and revolt, causing the main foundation of the empire to crumble away. The empire’s leaders had manipulated the public as well as their forces into believing that these rebel forces were nothing more than savage terrorists looking to take over their land. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
The rebels current mission through at the time was to try to get their hands on the drug that was rumored to have been recently created by the empire. This drug was known as "Kildren" or everlasting children. The effects of these drugs was told to result in the coating of the red blood cells in a black liquid that acted as an enhancement to the human body. Every human system would be heightened, resulting in faster, stronger, immortal soldiers. Also, the one's given this drug would never age, staying a "child" forever. But the only problem is, that no one to date had ever survived after being given the initial injection.
The most powerful of these rebel groups was that of sector 7 (previously Russia). The troop’s newest general had been the most successful, taking down empire forces on more then one occasion slowing their advancements. At the tender age of 18 a girl named Kira Smirnov was at the top of the empire’s list of enemies. She was known for her ruthless nature towards the ones she considered to be enemies, and her tactical yet brutal strategies. Currently she was caught in a situation that wasn’t looking too good for her.

~.~.~
The temperature was frigid and had a bite to it, as a small clearing could be seen, dusted by a light layer of snow. The small clearing was surrounded on all sides by a dense forest of looming evergreens, casting a haunting shadow. The small area was full of various figures, running chaotically through what looked to be a small settling.
Kira ran a hand through her short shaggy white hair, staring up into the sky. Her loathing for the empire may have just gone up tenfold.
Her and her troops had been lured and trapped into a refugee camp located in neutral land. The sky was now filled with hundreds of the empires bomber planes that made their way across the sky slowly, almost mockingly. All around her, her men were trying haphazardly to evacuate as many innocents as they possibly could.
She new that there wasn’t enough time, she new that at this rate, they would have barely any time at all to acknowledge their deaths. She breathed out deeply, opening her eerily colored red eyes as she looked at the chaos around her before turning her gaze to the sky. She could see as small items were jettisoned from the plane, and began to fall to the ground. Their fates had been sealed. But she refused to admit her defeat until the empire lay in ruins.
Staring tenaciously at particularly nothing, the ground exploded into a massive cloud of debris and flame.


~.~.~
Were the refugee camp had once existed now appeared to be a prodigious crater scattered with fragments of buildings that had once sheltered many. Along with the buildings bodies were scattered everywhere, some dismembered, and others all that was left was a limb or two. The entire area smelt of death and war, the debris hanging in a gloomy cloud over the site.
Somewhere in the mess a figure stirred, attempting to sit up, but failing miserably.
Kira groaned out of both pain and helplessness. She pushed the rest of what looked to be once a cement wall off her body. ‘Holy…how the…” she coughed, her throat left parched from the dusty atmosphere. ‘How did I manage to survive that?’
She looked around her stomach doing a flip as a wave of nausea tumbled over her. By the looks of the rest of the place, she was the only one who managed to survive.
‘Someone is definitely messing with me’ she thought. She frowned out of her obstinate personality ‘Well first is first, I’m not going to just sit here and die.’ As she placed a hand on either side of her, attempting to stand she was hit with a jolt of severe pain the moment she tried moving her legs.
“The heck…” She lay latently as she looked down, her eyes widening out of both shock and horror.
Both her legs had been impaled by various shards of shrapnel, and from the looks of it, they had been in this state for a few hours. Fighting to regain her state of calm she ripped off a sleeve of her uniform, attempting to wipe the blood away from the oozing wounds. She new that if she pulled any of the shards from her leg, it would act like the pulling of a plug from a sink, she would more than likely end up bleeding to death sooner than if she left them intact.
That’s when she heard it, the shuffling of footsteps and the movement of the matter. Adjusting her head to get a better look she soon found that it was a Zephurian solder, either looking for survivors or her body, to confirm her death.
In that moment she made a decision. If she was going to die in this godforsaken hellhole might as well take a soldier or two from the empire down with her. Reaching her hand to her holster, she found that her gun had survived the explosion, slowly; she slipped it out, keeping it behind her back.
“Hey! Empire trash a little help over here would be nice!”
When he heard this, the soldier with a shaggy head of auburn hair lifted his head and looked to the direction of the voice. When he spotted her he had a look of…was that…relief?
Confused as all heck now, Kira simply watched as the man ran up to her location, wearing the stupidest grin she may have possibly ever seen before.
“You” pant, “have no idea how glad I am that there is a survivor!” he said in a genial tone.
Kira was beyond confused. Did this man not know who she was?
“You mean…you’re not going to kill me?” she tilted her head to the side, eyebrows twitching.
“No, of course not! We were ordered to find any survivors of the rebel’s attack on the refugee camp.”
“Wait a minute, did you just say? Those pompous ignorant old men in the empire tricked more of their minions into thinking that this ordeal was the rebels fault?!” She had grabbed the soldier by the front of his shirt, pulling him down to eye level with her, literally growling in his face.
“Miss calm down, I’m sure you’re just tired and need some rest is all, I’ll just take you back to our camp over-“ Not bothering to make a rebuttal to her statement, He lowered her hand from his collar.
“Like hell I’m going back with you to your pansy little empire camp. Where all they do is feed you lies out of there fat selfish mouths about us being the-“ Before finishing her harangue she promptly passed out back against the rubble.
Vincent, the name of the zephurian solder, was confused to say the least.
“What a strange woman” He sighed, looking at the stubborn girl.
He had noticed the state of her legs before and carefully pulled her up, an arm supporting her back, and the other holding the back of her knees. He set off back to his camp, the whole time silently wishing to hopefully get medical attention for the woman. Because of his naturally compassionate and garrulous nature, he was worried for this stranger. Those wounds really didn’t look like they were doing too good.
~.~.~
Vincent had been shipped to sector 7 with the rest of his plank only a day before. His father had been the one to convince him to join the empire’s army. He had said that this would provide some sort of income for the rest of his family and they would be ever grateful. But this whole thing still didn’t sit right with him
He had known of the empire’s harsh and brutal ways for a while now. And the things the woman he was now currently carrying had said seemed only made him question the empire’s reliability further.
He pushed the flap open to the medical quarters, passing through the rows of cots until he reached an old wizened woman.
“Excuse me ma’am, but I found a survivor in the refugee camps earlier today, she isn’t doing that great. Think you could take a look at her” He gave the woman a charming smile, a pleading look in the man’s eyes.
“Fine fine, lay her down on a cot” The woman said with a phlegmatic tone, tapping her pen on the clipboard she was carrying, wearing a stern expression. When Vincent did this, she proceeded to circle the makeshift bed, checking over Kira’s exhausted and wounded form.
The woman clicked her tongue against her teeth, thinking through all the possible options.
“Well I’ll see what I can do, now shoo. I’m sure they need you somewhere else there Romeo.”
The old woman then had Kira transported into a room that they used for surgeries. Two of what looked to be doctors stood inside, readying themselves.
“So are we going to test the drug on this one?” One of the doctors asked, turning to hear the woman’s response.
“Yes, This girl’s chances of surviving are looking bleak, so it’s worth the try.” The second doctor then hooked Kira up to the machine that would monitor her vitals, then moving to go prepare the anesthetic.
“You do know most people’s bodies rebuff this stuff right? But then again if what they say about “Kildren” true than if she does survive she’ll become a major assest to the Empire. Humph, Enhanced humans in every way, I must admit, I am a bit skeptical.” The doctor grabbed a vial of black liquid, placing it at the inside of her arm.
“Ah, who cares if she lives, probably some stupid refugee who got caught in the blast. I can’t imagine having that much power in the hands of someone like that” The other placed the mask swirling with the anesthetic gasses over her face the same time she was injected by the strange liquid.
“Well I guess all we can do is wait now”

~.~.~
Kira lay in the hospital cot, the white sheets all around her stained with a black liquid. No wounds could longer be seen scarring the girl’s body. The machine that lay next to the cot let out a hushed beeping. Her vitals slow and steady, almost nonexistent.
That is until she shifted, opening her eyes lethargically. Her head was throbbing, causing her to let out a groan as she attempted to get a grip on her current situation. When her thoughts began to clear she realized that she was still trapped in her enemy’s camp.
Without hesitation, she sprang up, stumbling as she tried relentlessly to get her footing. Finally she managed to pull the flap of the tent open and stagger into the open; all while the drug called “kildren” was pumping through her veins.

4 comments:

  1. The main Character is Kira, an eighteen year old girl with white hair and red eyes.

    The conflict is externel and man versus society as Kira and other rebels are going against the empire.

    The climax, i thought there were 2. 1 was when the explosion occured and the other when the doctors were planning on injecting her with kildren(hmmmmm the injection where she doesn't know what it is and wakes up feeling'better' sounds quite familiar to my story)

    The resolution to conflict 1 was that she survivrd the explosion and was rescued. the resolution to conflict 2 is that she woke up when the doctors thought she wouldn't(kind of like the movie PUSH which you would like)yes the resolution left me wondering what changes had been made to Kira but it does resolve the conflict of the doctors believing that Kira would not survive the injection.

    I can tell that this story is fictional and within the boundaries of your story I do believe that the story 'works'

    I don't think your story has a greatest stregnth. It is pretty much all good (I say that as a critic, not as a friend)

    There is no elament that seems lacking but you could work on spelling and grammar(it might be because blogger has no spell check >:( )

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  2. Hellooo ^^
    The main character is Kira. The conflict is an external "man vs. society" situation, where rebels (specifically Kira) work against a powerful empire. The climax was when the doctors injected the 'Kildren' into Kira. The resolution was Kira's survival of the Kildren. What does Kildren do if it doesn't kill you...? The story worked perfectly in the corrupted world of writing you created. Your greatest strength was your description of the actions of the characters. For weaknesses, you could work on spelling, grammar, conventions, etc, as well as setting description. What do these places look like?? If we were allowed to make these longer, I would suggest incorporating Vincent more in the story, but we really can’t so whatever. =P
    Great story!! Tell me when the book comes out ^^

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  3. love the picture by the way!!! :D

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  4. thanks, and I know Im a tool for commenting on my own blog but I didn't have the chance to explain.
    Kildren is basically a virus that coats and strengthens the red blood cells in black, this can cause this "Black blood" To pull wounds together, and solidify into a hard element. The result of this is every system in the human body and is advanced, resulting in stronger soldiers. But in Kira's case Kildren keeps evolving, adding on to her power, if I could continue the story.

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