A Child Called 'It'- David
The New Kid
It was a pretty average day in Reardon high school. This would be Arnold’s sophomore year in high school, the year after he had transferred to the significantly different school and had his adventure. He tapped his chewed-on pencil idly against the desk, the day seeming to drag on and never-ending. While the teacher was drawling on about something that he found not quite important, the kid in the seat next to him leaned over, whispering not so softly.
“Psst. Hey, Arnold.” Arnold turned his head to face him,.
“What?” The kid looked back to the front of the class to see if the teacher had caught on that they weren’t paying attention, before turning to Arnold.
“Everyone’s saying that there’s a new kid coming here today. No one’s seen him yet, have you?” Arnold hadn’t heard of a new kid until now.
“I didn’t even know there was a new kid, so nope”
“Oh” The kid said, disappointed, sitting back up in his seat to doodle while the teacher continued his rant, never faltering. When, just then there was a knock at the door, and the principle walked in, a small boy following behind him, dressed in clothes that looked as if they were hand-me-downs. All the kids shifted, sitting up out of curiosity to see.
“Excuse me for interrupting your class” the principal started, “but I would like to introduce you all to your new classmate David, he just moved here from California. So, I hope you’ll all help out in showing him to his classes and explaining the schedule to him.” With that, the principal patted the boy on the back, and the teacher pointed him to his seat. He only nodded and moved to get to his desk. All the other kids stayed quiet and just watched him. Arnold went back to tapping on his desk while thinking, the teacher resuming his lecture. When the lunch bell rang, all the children in the room, quickly shoved out the door, Arnold took his time getting out so he wouldn’t be trapped in the chaos. The new kid, or David, was his name had been the first to get up and shuffle out the door.
When Arnold made his way to the lunchroom, he stopped in the hall where he saw two huge guys that were laughing, and shoving David around. He didn’t look like he was making any attempt to fight back. Arnold sighed, shaking his head, naturally feeling bad for his new classmate, and walked up to him and in-between the two boys, shoving him in the arm saying:
“Hey c’mon David, you’re so slow. I don’t want to be the last in the line” The boy, seeming to catch onto his hint, nodded. Arnold then brushed by the two guys, who were giving each other a strange look, David following him down the hallway.
They grabbed their lunches, sitting at a table with Arnold’s friend, Gordy.
“Hey who’s that?” Gordy said, gesturing to the boy now sitting next to Arnold. “Oh, this is the new kid” he said.
“I’m David…nice to meet you.” Gordy then nodded, going back to reading his book that laid on the table.
“So, David” Arnold said, shoving a forkful of food in his mouth before continuing. “Why are you coming to Reardon now?”
“Um,” the boy said, trying to figure out what to say. “I moved here with my foster parents…” He said this, redirecting his attention to play with the food on his plate.
“Oh” Arnold said, seeing that the boy didn’t want to talk about it, he changed the subject,“So, are you going to play any sports?”
“I don’t know yet, I’ll see about joining a winter sport. Do you play any?”
“Yea, I’m on the basketball team here, you should try out” The boy nodded, smiling some.
“So, if you need any help with the schedule or the classes just come see me alright?" David nodded.
“All right, thanks” The rest of lunch was filled with conversation about all the normal things. Arnold showed him around the school once lunch period was over. David was happy then, he had made a real friend, and on the first day of school too. He had a feeling this new life would be better than he had expected.
I really liked your story. You have a lot of detail that makes the story seem real. For example, the part where the teacher is ranting about something. Everyone knows what that's like and I think you really captured that.
ReplyDeleteI think the conversations did seem authentic. However, there wasn't a lot of dialog. I liked when Arnold changed the subject from foster parents because the way you made it seemed very natural for someone to do.
'“Hey c’mon David, you’re so slow. I don’t want to be the last in the line” The boy, seeming to catch onto his hint, nodded. Arnold then brushed by the two guys, who were giving each other a strange look, David following him down the hallway.' I liked the way Arnold made it seem that David was a friend of his and it was completely normal for him to be there.
I really didn't see any mistakes in this story. One thing that may have added to it was more dialog.
Maybe adding more detail to your characters would help the story. You mentioned David's clothes, but didn't say anything about his actual appearance and the same thing with Arnold. But overall, great story.
I thought this was a really good story! The wording and vocabulary were great and very relevant. I like how you described everything and made it seem so real.
ReplyDeleteI think that the dialogue was believable. I did read "A Child Called It" and Dave's words and actions did seem to fit the character.
I liked the part "David was happy then, he had made a real friend, and on the first day of school too. He had a feeling this new life would be better than he had expected." It gives a hint to how David had had a terrible life before this and it showed some happiness from meeting Arnold. It was uplifting to read about Dave making a new friend in his new life.
I didnt really seen any problems with this story, no grammar or spelling mistakes.
I think that you should have added a little more about David's appearance. It didnt say much about how he must have looked, beaten and thin unless he was better after getting away from his mom. It still would have helped to add a little more description of appearances. Either way great job! I loved it